Today, March 24th, is Carey’s birthday. She would have been 42 today. It has been 4 years since she died and still not a day goes by when I don’t think of my sister. She lives on in my heart and in the hearts of those who know and loved her. Happy Birthday, Carey!
by Stan McClintock
Carey would be 40 years old today (March 24). She was the youngest of my three beautiful daughters and I know how much her sisters miss her. I hope that anyone who reads this can somehow appreciate the depth of our loss.
I recently read these words offered by grieving parents in The Compassionate Friends newsletter I receive each month. I share these thoughts because they truly convey how I feel about Carey’s tragic death.
“A black hole has been blown through our souls and it often does not allow the light to escape. It is a difficult place. For us to enter there is to be cut deeply, and torn anew, each time we go there, by the jagged edges of our loss. Yet we return again and again, for that is where she now resides. This will be so for years to come and it will change us profoundly. At some point in the distant future the edges of that hole will have tempered and softened but the empty space will remain…a life sentence.
We grieve for Carey, in part, through talking about her and our feelings for having lost her. Some go there with us, others cannot and, through their denial add a further measure, however unwittingly, to an already heavy burden. Her memory is sustained through speaking about her. Deny this and you deny her life. Deny her life and you have no place in ours.
We know we will have recovered when, as we have read, it is no longer so painful to be normal. We do not know who we will be at that point or who will still be with us.
There will come a time, quite some number of years down the road, when the balance between the desperate awareness of what we have lost when Carey died will be somewhat balanced by the warm and joyful memories of what we had with her when she lived.”
“ I forgive……
I’ve heard advice for the bereaved that forgiveness is an important part of “healing”. I’ve worked hard at that elusive forgiveness, and came to the realization today that I am actually able to forgive quite a lot.
I forgive myself for not forgiving the people that caused by daughter’s death. Some things are just not “forgivable” and she would understand.
I forgive others for sharing their “miracles” with me, not understanding how cruelly this attacks my heart, as I wonder where my daughter’s miracle was.
I forgive others for not understanding me. I don’t understand anything anymore, so I can’t expect others to understand me either.
I forgive myself for not being able to do all the things I used to be able to do. I don’t function as well as I used to, and that’s okay.
I forgive others for continuing to live in that other world where I once lived with my daughter. It’s a good world, and I miss it a lot.
I forgive myself for no longer fitting into that world and not always be able to fake it. I am different now.
I forgive others for avoiding me. They don’t know what to say and quite frankly, that leaves me with nothing to say to them either.
I forgive my daughter for leaving me. She loved life and she loved me. I believe she loves me still.
This is probably not what people mean when they say we need to “forgive”, but it’s the best I can do. It’s enough that I can do anything at all, and maybe they will forgive me as well.”
Happy Birthday Carey….I Love You, Dad
by Stan McClintock
We arrived at the Aids Memorial Pier in Key West, Florida shortly before sunrise. It was March 24, Carey’s birthday, that we chose to gather in remembrance of her. We stood in a circle, symbolizing the eternal aspect of the human spirit, and took turns sharing our memories of Carey’s life and what she meant to us. Gathered together were David (Carey’s husband), Jeannette (David’s mother), Doug (a close friend of Carey and David), Sheila (Carey’s mother), Colleen and Cathleen (Carey’s sisters), Brenda (my wife) and me. We listened to each one recall Carey’s life and what she meant to them, but I found special comfort in David’s reading of a letter he received from Carey while she was in jail. Carey stated that she truly realized how much she was loved by her family.
Read More »
by Stan McClintock
It was the middle of August when I received a package from Carey’s uncle Ed. Upon opening the package I discovered a book with the following words written inside the front cover. “I pray that THE SHACK will stir your heart as it did mine. After you’ve read it let’s talk. Ed”
by Colleen McClintock
On the morning of September 18th as I was driving to work I got a phone call from my sister Cathleen, who told me that Carey had been murdered in Mexico. I pulled over to the side of the road and sat in silence. I couldn’t quite process the reality of it. I kept thinking, “Maybe it’s not her body that they found. Maybe there has been a mistake.” Read More »
by Colleen McClintock
On Saturday, August 24th I was enjoying a relaxed day at home. It was sweltering hot at my home in El Dorado Hills, California and I woke up later than normal after a long work week in the Bay Area. I noticed that I had missed several international calls on my cell phone and thought that perhaps my boss, who was vacationing at his home in France was trying to reach me. Only the number was not from France so I was somewhat confused. But who else could be trying to reach me from an international number?
A few hours later, my phone rang again and it was from the same international number. I couldn’t believe it was Carey! Read More »
By Cathleen McCown
My Sweet Carey,
I am so sorry for what happened to you. No one should have to go through what you did. There will forever be a hole in my heart knowing I won’t see you again this side of heaven. There isn’t a day that has gone by since September 18th that I haven’t thought of you. Read More »
By Paul McCown
One of the things I’ll miss most about Carey is her joyful laugh and her sweet smile. She seemed to be able to find humor in many things and her loud laughter was always contagious to those around her. Read More »
Carey- May 2008
Carey Marcella McClintock was brutally murdered on August 31, 2008 in Juarez, Mexico. She was found in an abandoned house in the desert 45 minutes outside of Juarez. She had been beaten and stabbed multiple times. She had no identification on her body so we were not contacted until September 18th. Like so many of the atrocious murders of women in Juarez, her case will likely never be solved.
Carey Marcella McClintock 