By Cathleen McCown
My Sweet Carey,
I am so sorry for what happened to you. No one should have to go through what you did. There will forever be a hole in my heart knowing I won’t see you again this side of heaven. There isn’t a day that has gone by since September 18th that I haven’t thought of you.
Somehow everywhere I go there is something to remind me of you. I saw the movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua the other day and most of the movie takes place in Mexico….. I thought of you. I drove up to my church the other day and I thought of you because you had been there with me a few months ago. My church did a “day of Beauty ” for the women of the treatment Center you were at. I got to hang out with you the whole day while you had your nails and hair done. We had coffee together. We hugged many times that day. I was helping that day and our church gave red shirts to the volunteers. I saw that shirt the other day…. I thought of you. I wonder when or if that will ever end. There hasn’t been a day when something has not reminded me of you.
You left 4 months ago to live in Mexico. I wish we could have been together during that time. My heart breaks to think of how lonely you must have been.
We had at least 5 years of not knowing what you were doing or where you were living. 9 months ago you were arrested. I now look at that as a gift to me. For the first time in years, you and I talked on the phone ….alot. My kids got to see you again and I am so thankful for that. Carey, I believe what God says in Psalm 139, “Our days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.” God knows how long we will live before we even live one day. He knew you would leave us on August 31.
I also believe it was God who brought you into our lives again 9 months ago. You and I got to talk on the phone, write letters to each other, and be sisters again. I remember being with you one day and we went shopping, had coffee and I brought you to my house. I remember God whispering to me to pay attention and be present. I didn’t understand it then but I do now. God says in Isaiah 55:11 that
“My word which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.”
So I will rest on those words. I know how much I loved you but I know God loved you even more. I can honestly say I bet there will not be a day that goes by that I won’t think of you.
Carey Marcella McClintock 